I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
