She's JV to your varsity
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
