I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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