I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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