I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
