Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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