Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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