Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
try to milk me bitch
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