i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
