I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This house was built for laser tag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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