We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
