Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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