...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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