I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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