I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
