I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
