Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
