Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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