Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
