my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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