i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
