i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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