Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
