He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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