i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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