If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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