in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
