saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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