I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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