I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
