he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
