hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
