Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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