i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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