I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
