Got a toothbrush?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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