Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
