i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
