just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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