Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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