Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
