Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
