The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
