i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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