Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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