I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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