Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
