he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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