I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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