first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
