i barfeds in our rink
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize