I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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