Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
