my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
