Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
