the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
