Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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