Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
