I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
