I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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