we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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