I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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