Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Will you blow on my dice?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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