Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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