He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
