I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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