I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
