also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize