She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
