Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
