Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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